Spite Christmas

Letters from a chorus girl from the play-within-a-play in Irving Berlin’s White Christmas.

In the 1954 classic White Christmas, Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye play a couple of army buddies turned Broadway producers (Bob Wallace and Phil Davis, respectively). Like many Hollywood musicals from the period, there’s a show within a show–this one is titled Playing Around, which Wallace and Davis bring up to Vermont in order to facilitate their Yuletide hijinks.

This year, when Alli and I were having our annual watch of this holiday classic, we kept thinking about how two random singer/dancers were added to the show at the last minute, and the effect this would have had on members of a professional production. This is the story of one of those chorus girls, based on Alli’s and my joking around.

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The Muppet Stephen Sondheim’s Company

For no particular reason.

PIGGY: As for moi, I have been studying martial arts. Do you want to see what I can do? Come here, sweetie.

KERMIT: Oh, I don’t think that’s necess–

PIGGY: Hiii-YA!

(Kermit flies like a ragdoll across the set.)

KERMIT: Sheesh. I need to get out more.

PIGGY: Oh, you think vou could get out of that? Is that what you’re saying?

KERMIT: No, actually, what I said was–

(Sounds of off-screen mayhem. Pan back to Piggy and see she has tied Kermit’s limbs in a pretzel knot.)

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